Lupus- Grieving Is Important & Normal

Lupus can really be a deliberating disease that can cause disruption in everyday
life. It can make you feel loss of yourself emotionally, and feeling like you don’t
own control over your very own health and body anymore let alone your life.
Most people who live with lupus have the challenges of learning to do things in a
total different way if not being able to ever do it again because lupus robs them of
the ability and mobility to do so. Participating in Activities and being able to set
our own standards and limits is a plus, however when you have lupus being able to do
so becomes a struggle in itself, for just the normal things you used to do. This kind of
struggle makes someone with lupus feel inadequate because they feel defined by
those activities like, playing sports, spending time with friends and family, goal
and ambition building amongst many more. It’s a sense of normalcy for people to
change their lives on their own and to grow or transform, but in the lupus world
most times you don’t have that decision to make. This seems like a
setback.

Even though some of these feelings are of an emotional nature one need not to
think that this process of grieving is any less devastating than the loss or death of
someone you love. See all these emotional feelings are people who have lost the
ability to do certain things they are used to doing and maintaining most of their lives.This loss of control of their appearances, images, health and body, and loss of opportunities can be devastating. All this causes a grief process to begin and it is normal. Most people think that a grieving process only comes to pass when there is death, this is true however non-death experiences brings about grieving as well. When you define grief you will find
many definitions however it can be defined as an emotion of great sadness
associated with loss or bereavement. Loss, meaning anything not just death. Loss
of abilities and normalcy like what lupus causes. You miss what you don’t have any
more weather it has been taken away abruptly or over a period of time. Its ok to
grieve so don’t ever disregard your feelings, talk to someone, your support system
or even your doctor or therapist. Don’t take grief likely or for granted. Although
normal you don’t want to find yourself grieving more than the illness is physically effecting you itself. The grieving process is for the newly and
veteran diagnosed. 

Life After Diagnosis
The importance of grieving is part of your coping and what I call your healing
process. Lupus has different faces, but the emotional anguish we all have that in
common. It’s important to grieve and to go through this process so that you can
move forward. This is when life after diagnosis really begins.
Even though you are going through a grieving process doesn’t mean life is
over. Life can be just beginning for you. Now you are forced to learn new things to
do to replace activities you cannot do anymore. (Can be exciting to embark on
new things) You may even discover things about yourself you didn’t know. Better
yet, it will be an everlasting experience to train yourself how to be
comfortable being uncomfortable just for a while. Limitations won’t seem like
limitation if you find substitutes. The key is not to give up no matter what your
situation looks like. Life just has new meaning that’s all. This all is a process
because after 23 years living with lupus myself I had to grow into a new me. I do
miss my old life but I don’t stay stuck. I even grieve sometime but again I don’t
stay stuck. Again if you are grieving its normal I see a mental health therapist who
helps me with all my mental health challenges surrounding my grief. However you may want to research grief counselors in your area if your therapist doesn’t provide this type
of service. Be mindful you only get one life to live however the type of life you
have can be many, so whatever the case or wherever you are at in your lupus
battle make the decision to live your life after diagnosis.
BY Coach Kisha Johnson McRae

Disclaimer- I am not a doctor or a medical professional. The information contained in this blog is
based on personal experience and professional training. Any information, suggestions or advice is not to
be replaced for medical treatment. This blog was intended to help those who grieve with lupus
understand the normalcy of it. I will not be held responsible for anyone using any such information for
the purposes that this blog intentions are not serving. Self-help and awareness of the grief that lupus
can bring.